


Instead

by breebear98



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, F/M, minor F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 12:03:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18260894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breebear98/pseuds/breebear98
Summary: “She could almost see the cogs turning in her mind — putting together each and every piece Kara just gave to her.Except this wasn’t a puzzle.This isn’t a maze to be ran through.This was Kara’s heart offered to her on a silver platter, beating and bleeding. This was a confession that might have been better left unsaid.”





	Instead

Kara’s heart beat fervently in her chest, she clasped her hands by her side — waiting for a response she wasn’t sure she wanted. She could run, she  _ should  _ run, she could escape this building and the people who are in it. Or rather, person. 

 

She’s never seen Lena so… stuck. As if there were a physical glass box keeping her from replying. She could almost see the cogs turning in her mind — putting together each and every piece Kara just gave to her. 

 

Except this wasn’t a puzzle.

 

This isn’t a maze to be ran through.

 

This was Kara’s heart offered to her on a silver platter, beating and bleeding. This was a confession that might have been better left unsaid. 

 

Lena’s eyes finally met hers and for the second time in her life her world came crashing down, “Kara — I don’t. I can’t reciprocate your feelings.” 

 

‘Don’t? Can’t? Which is it Lena?’ Kara thought. She smiled tightly, walking past the CEO for what may be the last time. She paused at the door, gripping the handle as if it were a life line. 

 

“It’s fine, Lena. I thought you should know.” 

 

Stepping through the threshold felt like stepping into an alternate reality, one where Lena didn’t exist. Or at least she wish it did. She’s never felt so much pain in her life, except she has, but all she can think about is Lena. Lena, Lena,  _ fucking  _ Lena. 

 

Lena who came into her life like a whirlwind of charm and class and smarts and everything Kara Danvers had ever wanted. Lena Luthor who couldn’t or didn’t want to reciprocate her feelings. 

 

Damn feelings.

* * *

Kara’s aware she’s a mess, wait, was a mess. Because she’s fine, she’s totally better.

 

Or so she tries to convince herself as she stands at the doorstep of Lena’s penthouse. Where game night is being held — which she has escaped for the past three months. 

 

“Ready, Kara?”  _ No _

 

Alex. Good ‘ol Alex. The reason she was standing here and not avoiding this ridiculous night (who she created, let’s be honest). 

 

Kara’s body screamed no, no she wasn’t ready to face Lena. Or James. Who she just so happened to start dating a week after her confession. 

 

“Yes” she smiled at her sister, “I’m ready.”

 

Alex’s knocks reverberated somewhere in her ribcage And she would have ran, if Winn’s bright smile hadn’t gleamed when he answered the door. She is nothing, if not a good friend.

 

And as she looked around the home of her once best friend a feeling of melancholy washed over her. Everything was untouched, yet tainted, because she knew the couch they sat and laughed together now has new memories, probably sinful ones. The wine glasses they shared are clutched too tightly in the hands of a man who isn’t half of what he could be. The living room she once confessed her feelings in felt too confined with the two of them stood in each other’s arms. 

 

Lena’s eyes lifted to meet Kara’s as she took a sip of her wine, and Kara was captivated once again. They never broke eye contact as Lena seemingly floated towards her, her dress flows with her strides and Kara can’t help but to cast her eyes down to the woman’s legs, her hips, her waist, her chest, her neck, and oh Lena is so close now.

 

“Kara, I’m glad you could make it.”

 

“Thank y-“ 

 

“ _ We’re  _ glad you could make it.”

 

As if James's presence wasn’t irritating enough, he had to open his mouth. She squinted her eyes at him, he stands taller, squaring his shoulders.

 

“Thank you,” her eyes land back onto Lena’s, “Both.” 

 

Lena bit her lip, swirling the wine in her hand. 

 

“Okay.. well.. I’m going to grab wine, let’s go Kara.” Alex yanks ker sister by her elbow, heading towards the kitchen. Kara spares Lena one last glance before disappearing with Alex.

 

“Actually, I have to use the restroom, get me some red, please?” 

 

Kara nods her head at her sister, grabbing the glasses and grabbing a bottle of red wine to uncork. The kitchen door swings open but not shut as she pours the glasses halfway. She was about to turn around when a freshly manicured hand grabbed the bottle from her. 

 

“I’m really glad you came, Kara.” It’s not fair her name sounded so delicious falling from her lips. That she had an undeniable affect on Kara’s body just because she’s in her vicinity. Lena pours herself another glass, and by the way her hand trembles Kara assumes she’s had quite a few before. 

 

All she could do was stare at the woman who broke her heart, even she had no idea what emotions she was trying to convey. Happiness? Hurt? It’s not Lena’s fault she didn’t feel the same. So why does it hurt so much when the brunette looks at her. 

 

“Don’t look at me like that.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like you love me.” 

 

And if her eyes softened it was only by a millimeter because yes, she does love Lena. But she’s not going down that road again. And if she leaned into the woman it was only because she leaned in first. And before Kara could even react, the kitchen door was pushed open. Kara stayed in her spot but Lena snapped back to her role as loving girlfriend.

 

“What was that?” Kara thought as James ushered Lena back to the living room, he sideeyed her while walking away but that didn’t matter because her and Lena had a moment!

 

A moment? Kara’s eyebrows scrunched together. This is… confusing to say the least. Three months ago Lena was adamant about her decision. She chose James, in a way. 

 

Kara ignored the calls and emails and texts and avoided like no one avoided anyone before. She scoffed at the “Are you okay?’s” because of course she wasn’t, so don’t insult her by asking. Eventually, the contact slowed before stopping completely. 

 

And she was fine with that, it helped her heal faster. Or so she thought. But she’s better now, over Lena. And Lena can’t just come and screw that up with her beautiful eyes and seductive clothing. 

 

“Kara, the game is starting!” She made her way to where everyone sat, expecting board games but got football instead? Her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. 

 

“Since when did game night become about sports?”

 

“Since you stopped coming.” She could punch the smug look off James’ face.

 

She smiles her best Kara Danvers smile and makes her way to the table where Winn is sat. 

 

“Sorry, Kar, James just kind of took over one day” she took pity on the dorky man, knowing he was probably too scared to say anything when it happened. 

 

Kara, Winn, and Alex laughed and drank in their own area as Lena and James watched whatever sport was playing. It seemed Lena was far more interested in watching the way Kara laughed with her whole being or smiled attentively at whoever was talking. And Lena decided she wanted to be the one who had Kara’s attention. 

 

“So what’s going on over here?” Lena smiled at the table as she takes a seat next to Kara, Alex and Winn across from them. 

 

“A proper game night,” Kara holds up her Uno cards, winking at Lena. Lena loves the way it sends shivers down her spine. 

 

The deck is reshuffled and Lena is dealt in. It’s almost like old times except for the way Lena keeps rubbing her thigh against Kara and won’t stop looking at the blonde. 

 

To say Kara is stunned is an understatement. Lena was touchy before but this..this is new. When Lena places her stupidly perfect hands on Kara’s thigh she shoots up out of her chair and nearly sprints to the bathroom. Lena bites the tip of the thumb and smiles before chasing her. 

 

She’s just dried her face and prepares to walk back when a knock sounds at the door. She opens it and Lena nearly pushes her down with how she jumps on her. It’s wrong how Kara catches her and kisses back enthusiastically. It’s wrong that she’s pushing her onto the bathroom sink and touching her everywhere she dreamed. 

 

This is wrong, this is wrong, she chants to herself, but  _ Roa  _ it feels so right. 

 

And with that thought she disconnects herself from Lena. This is right, this feels right. It feels right because she’s hopelessly in love with Lena Luthor and Lena has already rejected her. 

 

“What the hell do you want, Lena” tears well up in her eyes as she makes her escape into the night, ignoring the calls behind her. 

 

* * *

Years of sermons and hateful preachers echoed inside her mind, images of her mother nodding along and reciting verses of the Bible that damned young Lena to hell for loving another human. 

 

Fear choked back every word that begged to leave her throat. Everything in her screamed to chase the girl down, but her legs wouldn’t work. And like a broken dam, tears streamed down her face faster than she could wipe them away. She screamed to an empty room and clutched where her heart should have been. 

 

In this moment the weight of everything came crashing down onto her and suffocated her till she was curled on the floor gasping for air. 

 

She loved Kara too, God, did she love Kara. This was the worst and best day of her life. But she loved Kara too much to subject her to the horrors of being a Luthor. She could never do that to the one person who brought sunshine into her dark life.

 

She couldn’t admit to the world that she was a Luthor and a lesbian. 

 

She was a disappointment to her family as it is.

 

So she forgot about her. Or she tried to, she still called and texted and even emailed. Every letter typed felt like it was the last one and she didn’t want to stop. Until she did. Until James was there picking up pieces he didn’t know where to put back. 

 

She thought she could love him the way he loved her. Yet, she compared him to Kara every chance she got. All in all, she could live like this, unhappy and unsatisfied. Kara deserved someone brave and unafraid of rejection.

 

Three months came and went by and Lena never felt so dead inside, being with James was more suffocating than any closet she stuffed herself into for her mothers sake. 

 

She almost forgot about the blonde until she showed up at her door, then every wall and barricade she built around herself crumbled. Her heart palpitated faster and faster with every step that brought Kara closer to her. 

 

Standing before the woman who held her heart after what seemed to be forever  almost broke her even further. She was desperate to reach out and take hold of Kara.  

“Kara, I’m glad you could make it.” A genuine smile reached her eyes for the first time in months. 

 

“We’re glad you could make it” And the little bubble they were in burst. 

 

In hindsight, drinking wasn’t a good idea. She couldn’t keep herself from Kara. She wanted to drown herself in her. It’s selfish of her and she tried so hard to keep a distance, but not really. As soon as she heard Alex ask Kara about a date she was out of her seat. Was she ready to be everything Kara needed? Maybe not but she was drunk and it seemed courageous enough. 

 

She was all too sober when she followed Kara into the bathroom. When she kissed her lips for the first time and tasted that god awful wine James bought her. Lena had never felt so many emotions at once, she could almost cry with happiness. She had missed Kara more than anything in the world. 

 

As Kara left, ignoring her pleas to come back, she vowed not to let her get away again.

 

Before she could make it to the door, James slides in front of her, anger evident on his face. 

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” He clenched his teeth as he spoke to her, Lena looked around the room in confusion, who did he think he was to step in front of her. 

Seeing Kara finally made her see clearly, James would never be enough and right now he was getting on every last one of her nerves. She mustered what’s left of her strength and pushed past him towards the direction of Kara. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> An amateur writer who hasn’t written in months, so be nice
> 
> I’m sensitive ~ 
> 
> Please give me validation.
> 
> Twitter: humble_traveler


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